In a seeming effort to prove he is not beholden to or allied with or has ties to Russia, President-elect trump is reportedly poised to name as his pick for Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, CEO of ExxonMobil and recipient of Vladimir Putin’s Order of Friendship award.

Meanwhile, in news that doesn’t matter but should…

Patton Oswalt, comedian extraordinaire and, in a world where the voices of the allegedly sane and rational have become insane and irrational, one of the only reasonable voices speaking loud enough for all to hear, perfectly articulated what this Russian hacking scandal means for us. Read it here.


And in news that should not matter at all but does more than Patton Oswalt’s brilliant Facebook post…

People perpetually looking to be offended by something continued their assault against a Hollywood actress for making up a story about scratching her ass on some sacred rocks.

In what can only be interpreted as a deliberately fabricated and irreverent story, actress Jennifer Lawrence recounted a story about scratching her ass on a giant sacred boulder in Hawaii, causing it to break loose and tumble down a hillside, nearly killing a production crew member on one of her films.

Because we now live in a world where illiteridiots can set upon someone with the ferocity of a colony of Asian Giant Hornets, Jennifer Lawrence was moved to apologize to people who believed she was insensitively destroying sacred rocks with her ass for the sake of having a good talk show story.