Back in 1985, Depeche Mode released a compilation album called Catching Up with Depeche Mode. It was a way for new fans of the band to hear some of the singles the band had released in the previous 4 years.
But what does Depeche Mode have to do with donald trump? Curiously enough, super racist-slash-aspiring-real-nazi Richard Spencer claimed, back in March, that Depeche Mode was the “official” band of the alt-right.
Depeche Mode immediately rejected the claim and did everything they could to make it known they wanted absolutely nothing to do with the “c**ts” in the neo-nazi movement. The band told Billboard magazine, “This guy gets way too much publicity already. What’s dangerous about someone like Richard Spencer is, first of all, he’s a c**t—and he’s a very educated c**t, and that’s the scariest kind of all.”
Anyway, back to Catching Up with Depeche Mode. So, the band released a compilation of their previous 4 years of output for people who might just be tuning in to hear what the band sounded like. The band was able to compile 13 tracks in those 4 years.
donald trump, on the other hand, has been president for 111 days. He’s collected a hell of a lot more than 13 “hits” to include in this compilation, and I can guarantee you that none of his “hits” have the same haunting melody of “Shake the Disease.”
Now, let’s catch up with donald trump in chronological order, starting with his first day in office.
- he sends out Sean Spicer for his first press briefing during which he claims his inaugural crowd was the largest ever in presidential history.
- he suspends an Obama administration cut to Federal Housing Authority mortgage insurance premiums.
- he speaks at the CIA headquarters where he brags about how often he’s appeared on the cover of Time.
- he places a 90-day hiring freeze on federal employees, then claims he lost the popular vote because of “illegal immigrants” voting.
- he signs an order allowing the Keystone pipeline to go ahead.
- he signs Executive Order 13767 directing the Department of Homeland Security to begin construction of a border wall.
- he signs his first Muslim ban, which is almost immediately struck down by a judge.
- over dinner, trump allows his son-in-law to authorize a military raid in Yemen that goes horribly wrong.
- trump fires Sally Yates when it becomes clear we are about to learn that she warned him about Mike Flynn’s ties to Russia.
- he signs a silly E.O. that requires agencies to repeal two regulations for every one new regulation.
- he nominates Neil Gorsuch to he Supreme Court.
- trump angrily hangs up on the leader of one of our greatest allies, Australia.
- he tells visitors to the White House, “Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”
- trump signs an executive order without reading it that names Steven Bannon to the National Security Council.
- he speaks to the National Prayer Breakfast and makes fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ratings on TV.
- Mike Flynn resigns.
- Reince Preibus wants the FBI to publicly deny claims that trump associates were in contact with Russian officials.
- trump holds an hour+ long press conference during which he complains about the press, insists he’s not ranting and raving, that his government is running “like a fine-tuned machine,” and complains about leaks coming out of his White House.
- he officially rejected a federal rule that required energy companies to report payments made to foreign governments to the Securities and Exchange Commission.
- he announces 15,000 new federal immigration enforcement positions before the end of his 90-day hiring freeze.
- We learned that 6 White House staffers were removed after failing their FBI background check.
- The White House bars The New York Times, the BBC, CNN, Politico, The Huffington Post, The Los Angeles Times and BuzzFeed News are barred from the White House press briefing.
- trump proposes increasing military spending by taking the money from other federal agencies, a move officially criticized by 120 former admirals and generals.
- he gives a Not A State of the Union speech to Congress, and the media fawns all over him for not fucking it up.
- The House Intelligence Committee finally gets off its ass and opens an inquiry into Russian election meddling.
- Jeff Sessions is forced to recuse himself from the Russian inquiries.
- The White House admits that the president’s son-in-law met with Sergey Kislyak along with Mike Flynn at trump Tower after the president won the 2016 election.
- trump wakes up very early to issue a series of tweets accusing former president Barack Obama of wiretapping trump Tower.
- trump tries to fix his Muslim ban by issuing a revised version, and fails to convince any judges that it’s not a Muslim ban.
- he refuses to shake Angela Merkel’s hand during an official White House visit by the German Chancellor.
- A wacky judge on Fox News claims that British intelligence tapped trump’s wires. Britain is not happy. The White House is forced to apologize for planting that idea in the wacky judge’s mind.
- FBI director James Comey admits during testimony that the FBI is investigating the trump campaign’s connections to Russian hacking.
- Devin Nunes pays a midnight visit to the White House, where he is given information about “incidental” wiretapping of trump associates and told to return the next day and pretend he uncovered it elsewhere.
- After years of screaming about repealing Obamacare, Republicans, who now control every branch of government, must vacate their plans to repeal Obamacare due to lack of support.
- trump announces that Ivanka will work in the White House, after all.
- trump complains that he is the victim of a witch hunt via Twitter.
- Steve Bannon is finally removed from the National Security Council.
- Syrian tyrant Assad gasses his own people. trump doesn’t care. Ivanka shows him pictures of children. trump eats chocolate cake with Chinese president and authorizes an attack against Syria, which he confuses with Iraq when talking to a Fox News mouth, and has to be corrected.
- Devin Nunes recuses himself from the House Intelligence Committee after his humiliating lap-dog performance with the White House.
- White House can’t get its story straight about the damage inflicted on a Syrian airfield.
- The White House loses an aircraft carrier for about a week after insisting it’s on its way to North Korea when it was in fact nowhere near North Korea. trump calls it an armada.
- The White House claims that not even Hitler gassed his own innocent people.
- trump changes his tune on NATO, and claims they are no longer obsolete without offering how he changed his mind.
- trump changes his tune on China as a currency manipulator, and claims he will no longer accuse them of such without offering how he changed his mind.
- the largest non-nuclear bomb in the American arsenal is dropped on Afghanistan. trump doesn’t know if he authorized its use.
- The White House decides it’s nobody’s fucking business to know who’s been visiting or will visit the White House from now on.
- trump and his white-haired sidekick begin about a week-long effort to provoke North Korea into some sort of military action.
- trump continues to enjoy the lowest approval ratings of any president in history.
- After the Turkish president grants himself unchecked powers, trump becomes the only leader of the free world to congratulate him on becoming a dictator.
- trump tweets (because of course he did): “Canada has made business for our dairy farmers in Wisconsin and other border states very difficult. We will not stand for this. Watch!”
- he claims he would be honored to meet the North Korean dictator.
- The White House announces it is ready to repeal Obamacare again. The House gets the votes it needs.
- The Environmental Protection Agency begins to purge itself of real scientists.
- France rejects fascism by electing Emmanuel Macron over nationals Marine Le Pen.
- Sally Yates finally gets her chance to testify before Congress and informs them that she told the White House about Mike Flynn’s Russian ties nearly three-weeks before they got around to firing him.
- trump fires FBI director James Comey after James Comey declines to pledge his loyalty to trump, and then asks for more resources to continue investigating trump.
- trump meets with Russian officials and locks out the American press, while giving exclusive access to Russian media.
Feel free to add anything I might have overlooked.
Only 43 months to go barring impeachment.
Here’s your trump picture (see if you can spot the three Russian agents in the room):