Early morning, March 4, 2017:



Let’s first acknowledge that it took the president nearly half an hour to tweet out those three things. What was he doing between tweets? Was he finessing his terminology? Taking bites of his bunny-shaped pancakes? Staring pensively at a half-empty sippy cup of chocolate milk, pondering the meaning of it all? We may never know.

Then, two days later, during a press conference, this happened:

REPORTER: For clarification, did the president mean in anyway to suggest that the FBI broke the law or any other intelligence agencies in this allegation of wiretapping?

SEAN SPICER: Um, in the tweet?


SPICER: I’m just going to let the tweet speak for itself.¬†

In the aftermath of this, the House Intelligence Committee gave the Justice Department until today, March 13, to provide evidence that trump’s tweet contained any truth at all. When the White House predictably produced zero evidence to support the president’s claim, Sean Spicer came back out to make this argument:

“I think there’s no question that the Obama administration, that there were actions about surveillance and other activities that occurred in the 2016 election. The President used the word wiretaps in quotes to mean, broadly, surveillance and other activities.”

In other words, the tweet no longer speaks for itself. Spicer will now speak for it.

Meanwhile, while Spicer was learning how to be a Twitter Translator, Kellyanne Conway showed up on the morning news shows to explain that she is not in the business of providing evidence that microwaves can be turned into cameras. She also denied an¬†accusation, made by no one, that she was Inspector Gadget. “I’m not Inspector Gadget,” she said.


One more thing. I’ll just leave this tweet here:

This came from a member of Congress. Now, just in case Rep. King faces backlash he no longer wants to deal with and deletes the tweet, here’s a quote of the text:

Wilders understands that culture and demographics are our destiny. We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else’s babies.

Fuck you, Steve King. Let’s all hope that one of these days, somebody else’s babies constitute at least 51% of the American population.